Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
