Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
