I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
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You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
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So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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