Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
