I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
