woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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