I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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