I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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