im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
home. puking in laundry basket.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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