I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.