I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"