Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10