I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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