i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
