he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
