i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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