i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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