I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
