He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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