perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I supernannyed him into submission
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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