so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
