But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
