I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
