For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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