On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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