That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he thought i was a dude.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
