i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
someone owes me an orgasm
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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