My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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