Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
