were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
