I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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