Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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