dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
