I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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