i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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