something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He better not be in your backpack
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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