Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
