Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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