Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I supernannyed him into submission
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
