it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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