we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
