I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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