so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
