I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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