I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
