Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
