I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize