I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
