THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
