she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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