Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ladies don't puke and tell
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
