we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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