Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize