We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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