She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
