so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
