last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
