PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
