By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
