Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize