There was a lot of him and a little penis
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I currently don't understand fingers.
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