Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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