He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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