he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
