Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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