She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
