Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
