Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
