He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
