Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
