I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
