plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
