i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
