The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Me too!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
