your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
