the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
