i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
