I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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