Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
smell my finger.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
