It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
