If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
