I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
