The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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