I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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