i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my shit smells like andre
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
